Had the urge to do something obscene?
Sometimes I'll be with a group of people, and a thought crosses my mind like, "what would happen if i did blah blah blah?" Blah blah blah being something totally obscene and socially unacceptable. It's not like I would ever actually consider doing these things, the ridiculous thoughts just come to mind. And I have no idea why, it's just distracting randomly. It's been happening with older people alot. Maybe they just agitate me.
On a not so separate note, I feel like my social skills have been deteriorating. I used to think I was pretty good at socializing, but the past few weeks have proven me to be quite incompetent. As always still stumbling through life. Hopefully I'm just in a weird funk right now. Always seems to be some kind of a funk though.
Seems like there's always something. No one's perfect though I guess.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
untitled.
Wow. Again I have completely failed at this blog. I was considering deleting it, but that would be the easy way out. I figure that since it is summer, and I have a lot of free time, I could give it a try. And yes, it is summer. I let a lot of time pass since my last post. May 1st? It's only been about two months, but it feels like so much longer. It went quickly though. That's how this whole year went. It went by super quickly, but there was still soo much stuff that happened. I'm not really sure what the purpose of this blog is, because as of now, none of the posts related to each other at all. But I think it's important for me to continue this. I'll try to be better about it.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Committed.
Last week, I committed. I committed to the University of Oregon. I had wanted to go to Boston University, but I found out that it wasn't really possible. If I had gone to BU, I would have had ended up having to borrow around $90,000. And that's just like... not good at all. I was willing to take up the challenge, and live life like a vagabond, in Boston, because I felt like that's where I needed to go. But the risk would have been been too great. So I chose Oregon. I've been getting excited about it though. One of my best friends, Justin, is going there. So are a couple of other people I know. It's going to be a lot of fun. So, I'm happy. The only problem is that my girlfriend, Kaylyn, is going to be going to Brown next year. That's all the way in Rhode Island. 3,000 miles? That's tough. I'm willing to try and make it work though. Everything is going to be completely different in a few months, but I'm welcoming the change. I'm going to have a great time in Oregon. Go Ducks!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Balance
Over my 17 years of life, I've noticed that I have an extremely poor sense of balance. I think contributes to the fact that, truthfully, I'm not very athletic. I wish I were lithe and graceful, but I'm not. And I don't have masterful control of my body. Many can attest to the fact that they have seen me lose my balance while standing. Although that may have to do with the fact that tend to fidget a lot. I can't really stand still. But anyways...
The kind of balance I'm talking about here, is between different aspects of my life. Specifically, the balance between my girlfriend and my friend. I guess its the age old argument of bros before hoes, chicks before dicks (or the other way around), whatever you want to say.In the best case scenario, I would want to be able to balance commitment to my girlfriend and to my friends perfectly, but unfortunately, like many things in life, this isn't best case scenario.
I think that I'm not too horrible at it, but I could be a lot better. For example, today was the panoramic picture for our school. I hung out with my friends today before school cause my girlfriend couldn't hang out. I wanted to be able to be nearby to both my girlfriend and my friends. Me and the guys got in line for the picture and my girlfriend like appeared out of thin air, but she was talking to a close guy friend of hers so I didn't really want to interrupt, but I said hi. Then I was talking to my friends and all of the sudden, she walked away with some people and I was just like, fuck.
I was kind of worried on the way to lining up and I was wondering if I should just book it to be next to my girlfriend, but that seemed not chill to bail on my friends so I just stayed there. Then I was worried that my girlfriend would get mad. I was texted her and I was like "sorry =(" but she was just like "?". I said for not sitting next to her for the pic. She said she didn't really care. Did I care that she didn't care? I don't know. At least that leaves me off the hook, but then I didn't really have to worry in the first place. But like, it would have been nice to sit with her.
That's just one specific example of having a difficult time balancing girlfriend time and homie time. It happens a lot at school. But I think it's truly unavoidable, so I'll just have to do my best.
The kind of balance I'm talking about here, is between different aspects of my life. Specifically, the balance between my girlfriend and my friend. I guess its the age old argument of bros before hoes, chicks before dicks (or the other way around), whatever you want to say.In the best case scenario, I would want to be able to balance commitment to my girlfriend and to my friends perfectly, but unfortunately, like many things in life, this isn't best case scenario.
I think that I'm not too horrible at it, but I could be a lot better. For example, today was the panoramic picture for our school. I hung out with my friends today before school cause my girlfriend couldn't hang out. I wanted to be able to be nearby to both my girlfriend and my friends. Me and the guys got in line for the picture and my girlfriend like appeared out of thin air, but she was talking to a close guy friend of hers so I didn't really want to interrupt, but I said hi. Then I was talking to my friends and all of the sudden, she walked away with some people and I was just like, fuck.
I was kind of worried on the way to lining up and I was wondering if I should just book it to be next to my girlfriend, but that seemed not chill to bail on my friends so I just stayed there. Then I was worried that my girlfriend would get mad. I was texted her and I was like "sorry =(" but she was just like "?". I said for not sitting next to her for the pic. She said she didn't really care. Did I care that she didn't care? I don't know. At least that leaves me off the hook, but then I didn't really have to worry in the first place. But like, it would have been nice to sit with her.
That's just one specific example of having a difficult time balancing girlfriend time and homie time. It happens a lot at school. But I think it's truly unavoidable, so I'll just have to do my best.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Boston: Day 4, Departure, and Overview.
Today was Boston University day. We got there early and took a tour of the the Communications building. They have some high-tech facilities. For the rest of the day there was the whole presentation of the College of Communications. I was pretty impressed. BU is really good for Communications and I feel like that is the school I should go to if I'm really serious about Communications.It still lacks the campus feel that I wanted in a school, but it makes for it in other ways. I mean, it is in the middle of a great city. Like literally there will always been something to do. I'll explain more about it in my college post.
After we left Boston University, we walked to our hotel room, then took the T to Newbury St., a street that was well-known for it's shopping. They had a bunch of places - Karmaloop, H&M, a comic store, The Fairy Shop, and Condom World - those were the most noticeable. Haha. I bought my girlfriend a love/friendship pendent from the Fairy Shop. The guy there wrapped it up and put flower buds in it and sprinkled it with fairy dust. Hopefully it brings her good luck or something. I don't know if I believe in those things, but then again I don't really know what I believe in. It could work, who knows.
Our last night was a good one. We went back to Fire and Ice, early this time, only to be greeted with an hour and a half wait. We decided, screw it, we have to wait for this, so we went out side to wait. My parents called and it was like a 10 minute phone conversation over I don't even know what. After that, we decided to wait in the bar. Some girl was having her bachelorette party there so we got really confused (and a little bit excited) as to what this restaurant was all about. We waited a really long time for the waitress at the bar to get to us. When she finally did, we got called up to our table. The restaurant was upstairs, and it was crazier than we had imagined.
Imagine a Mongol King mixed with a Benihana's but with like all kinds of food and dim lighting. Our waitress explained the restaurant and it was honestly soo crazy. Basically, you meat, any kind you want, either pasta, rice, or noodles, then vegetables and other toppings. Then they had like 20 different sauces to choose from. You could also make burgers and sandwiches. I feel like my explanation is not doing the restaurant justice, but believe me Fire and Ice, crazy, delicious restaurant.
After that we went home (the hotel) and hot tubbed for one last time. We packed up, got everything ready, and went to sleep. We had to wake up at 330 to catch a cab to get to the airport. When our plane boarded at 7, our flight was canceled because there was something wrong with the plane. Luckily, we were able to catch a flight about an hour later. We ended up having a 3 hour layover in Denver, but it was alright. Got home and was very happy to see my own bed.
I really enjoyed Boston. When I was a kid I took a trip to NYC and I discovered that I loved the city. When we first got to Boston, I was a little overwhelmed and I wasn't really sure if I liked the city that much anymore, but I realized that I had just become accustomed to a chill laid-back life. Once I got adjusted to being in Boston for a few days, I became a little more comfortable and I enjoyed it more. I think I would really like being in the city. It's more intense and exciting. If I went there for college, I think I would be more anxious than if I went somewhere else. I think I'm just anxious for college in general. Well college or not, I enjoyed my stay in Boston.
After we left Boston University, we walked to our hotel room, then took the T to Newbury St., a street that was well-known for it's shopping. They had a bunch of places - Karmaloop, H&M, a comic store, The Fairy Shop, and Condom World - those were the most noticeable. Haha. I bought my girlfriend a love/friendship pendent from the Fairy Shop. The guy there wrapped it up and put flower buds in it and sprinkled it with fairy dust. Hopefully it brings her good luck or something. I don't know if I believe in those things, but then again I don't really know what I believe in. It could work, who knows.
Our last night was a good one. We went back to Fire and Ice, early this time, only to be greeted with an hour and a half wait. We decided, screw it, we have to wait for this, so we went out side to wait. My parents called and it was like a 10 minute phone conversation over I don't even know what. After that, we decided to wait in the bar. Some girl was having her bachelorette party there so we got really confused (and a little bit excited) as to what this restaurant was all about. We waited a really long time for the waitress at the bar to get to us. When she finally did, we got called up to our table. The restaurant was upstairs, and it was crazier than we had imagined.
Imagine a Mongol King mixed with a Benihana's but with like all kinds of food and dim lighting. Our waitress explained the restaurant and it was honestly soo crazy. Basically, you meat, any kind you want, either pasta, rice, or noodles, then vegetables and other toppings. Then they had like 20 different sauces to choose from. You could also make burgers and sandwiches. I feel like my explanation is not doing the restaurant justice, but believe me Fire and Ice, crazy, delicious restaurant.
After that we went home (the hotel) and hot tubbed for one last time. We packed up, got everything ready, and went to sleep. We had to wake up at 330 to catch a cab to get to the airport. When our plane boarded at 7, our flight was canceled because there was something wrong with the plane. Luckily, we were able to catch a flight about an hour later. We ended up having a 3 hour layover in Denver, but it was alright. Got home and was very happy to see my own bed.
I really enjoyed Boston. When I was a kid I took a trip to NYC and I discovered that I loved the city. When we first got to Boston, I was a little overwhelmed and I wasn't really sure if I liked the city that much anymore, but I realized that I had just become accustomed to a chill laid-back life. Once I got adjusted to being in Boston for a few days, I became a little more comfortable and I enjoyed it more. I think I would really like being in the city. It's more intense and exciting. If I went there for college, I think I would be more anxious than if I went somewhere else. I think I'm just anxious for college in general. Well college or not, I enjoyed my stay in Boston.
Great Date
So I haven't had a nice little date in a while. Me and my girlfriend were supposed to hang out last night, but she had to cancel because she had to study for AP's. =[. Lame. AP's are basically screwing everything up. Especially my relaxation time - I can't chill at home without my mom nagging me about that stuff. Argh. Everyone just needs to chill.
But anyways, one of my friends is in fresno for his grandma's birthday, another was hanging out with a lady friend of his, and another was chilling with some of his other homies, so it was me and Justin flying solo.
He came over, we hit the bio, then we rolled on over to Islands. Sooo good. I had forgotten. Bacon cheeseburger with bbq sauce, mmmmmm, delicious. Then we went round 2 right before watching Kick-Ass. On our way into the show, we saw a few of our friends getting kicked out with like huge pizza boxes. They had snuck in but got caught so they got kicked out. High-key. Fortunately, they didn't get in trouble though.
Kick-Ass was a good movie. It was actually pretty crazy. I had a good time last night. It was a great date. Especially because it was organized so last minute. So I had a good night. Just wish I could have seen her.
But anyways, one of my friends is in fresno for his grandma's birthday, another was hanging out with a lady friend of his, and another was chilling with some of his other homies, so it was me and Justin flying solo.
He came over, we hit the bio, then we rolled on over to Islands. Sooo good. I had forgotten. Bacon cheeseburger with bbq sauce, mmmmmm, delicious. Then we went round 2 right before watching Kick-Ass. On our way into the show, we saw a few of our friends getting kicked out with like huge pizza boxes. They had snuck in but got caught so they got kicked out. High-key. Fortunately, they didn't get in trouble though.
Kick-Ass was a good movie. It was actually pretty crazy. I had a good time last night. It was a great date. Especially because it was organized so last minute. So I had a good night. Just wish I could have seen her.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Boston: Day 3
COLD. And RAINY. But I had my jacket so it was alright. Today was Boston College day. I didn't get accepted there, but my friend did. He didn't sign up for a tour so we decided to just show up at like 11, which was when the tour was supposed to start. The T ended up taking way longer then we thought it would so we got there around 11:25. It was a pretty long trek but we found the admissions office.
We saw this tour group in the courtyard and we low key latched on to the back and pretended like we were there the whole time. It worked and I thought that it was pretty funny. I think we caught the tour at it's later half because it ended not too long after we joined it. Afterward, we went into the admissions office. My friend got accepted into the honors program at BC, so he asked them about that. On our way off of campus we stopped in the book store. They have some pretty tight gear, clothing, hats, scarves, basically anything you can think of, decked out with the BC logo. Which actually I like a lot. I would say it's better than BU's but that would be disloyal.
On the way back to our hotel on the T, we got off early because we planned to walk to our hotel and shop along the way. Major fail. We definitely got lost and ended up somewhere in Chinatown. Boston's Chinatown isn't as legit as New York's or LA's but it wasn't bad. I bought this handmade little bag with a panda on it for my girlfriend from a vendor.
I worry if she likes the gifts I get her, but I hope she does. I mean even a guy with good taste could be subject to a bad gift every once in a while, and that's assuming I have good taste. I don't know. I think I will continue to get her things and if she doesn't like it, she can make jokes about it. I like jokes.
Anyways, we finally found our way back to our hotel. Chilled there for a little bit, then went to this place that this girl recommended, Fire and Ice. It looked super cool, but the wait was like an hour and thirty minutes and we were not down. We went to Cheesecake factory, but the wait was just as long, same thing with PF Changs. And we really wanted to hit up the hot tub. So we just said screw it, and ate at this food court place at our hotel. It was pretty good actually. Then we went to the hot tub and chillled. Good day.
We saw this tour group in the courtyard and we low key latched on to the back and pretended like we were there the whole time. It worked and I thought that it was pretty funny. I think we caught the tour at it's later half because it ended not too long after we joined it. Afterward, we went into the admissions office. My friend got accepted into the honors program at BC, so he asked them about that. On our way off of campus we stopped in the book store. They have some pretty tight gear, clothing, hats, scarves, basically anything you can think of, decked out with the BC logo. Which actually I like a lot. I would say it's better than BU's but that would be disloyal.
On the way back to our hotel on the T, we got off early because we planned to walk to our hotel and shop along the way. Major fail. We definitely got lost and ended up somewhere in Chinatown. Boston's Chinatown isn't as legit as New York's or LA's but it wasn't bad. I bought this handmade little bag with a panda on it for my girlfriend from a vendor.
I worry if she likes the gifts I get her, but I hope she does. I mean even a guy with good taste could be subject to a bad gift every once in a while, and that's assuming I have good taste. I don't know. I think I will continue to get her things and if she doesn't like it, she can make jokes about it. I like jokes.
Anyways, we finally found our way back to our hotel. Chilled there for a little bit, then went to this place that this girl recommended, Fire and Ice. It looked super cool, but the wait was like an hour and thirty minutes and we were not down. We went to Cheesecake factory, but the wait was just as long, same thing with PF Changs. And we really wanted to hit up the hot tub. So we just said screw it, and ate at this food court place at our hotel. It was pretty good actually. Then we went to the hot tub and chillled. Good day.
Boston: Day 2
Me and frank didn't have anything planned for thursday, but we woke up early so we could get a good start on the day. We started out with a nice little work out in the fitness center. After that, we chilled in the hot tub. Went back up to our room, showered, and got ready to go.
Matt Boston had told us about this really good place to eat called Quincy Market. We thought that he was probably pretty knowledgeable so we decided to follow his advice. We took the T (the subway)to government center, basically this place with a bunch of huge government buildings. Once we got off of the T we saw this really big tent, there was a circus in town. I've never been to a circus before, or at least I don't remember going to one. I might have as a kid. I've never really seen the appeal, but we were in Boston and I was down to do something spontaneous, so we bought two tickets.
After that we proceeded to the Quincy Market. This place was stacked. No joke. It was basically this huge rectangle building with about 20 places to eat on each side on the inside and stores on the outside. Picking what to eat was an extremely hard decision. Everywhere your head turned, you saw something delicious. Not to mention all of the smells wafting around. In the end I decided on a Chicken Parmesan sandwich, with some cheese fries, which were actually kinda gross because they used melted cheese. They did that later on when I got chili fries too. Not very good. This might be a problem if I go to Boston.
After we ate, we went around the stores shopping. Got a really sick Alice In Wonderland shirt for one of my main homies. wanted to buy this shirt:
cause it was super sick. But i didn't think my mother would appreciate it. oh well.
We went back to the hotel to chill for a little bit before the circus. Then we went to the circus and got snacks and this huge thing of popcorn and watched the circus. It was pretty entertaining. There weren't any animals but it was still pretty tight.
Afterwards we went to this place called Chicago Uno Grill. It was supposed to be a really good pizza place but we had pizza the night before so we got burgers. They were really good. Also, we split this oreo brownie dessert which was almost like pizookie status. Sooo good. Boston's got some tight food.
Matt Boston had told us about this really good place to eat called Quincy Market. We thought that he was probably pretty knowledgeable so we decided to follow his advice. We took the T (the subway)to government center, basically this place with a bunch of huge government buildings. Once we got off of the T we saw this really big tent, there was a circus in town. I've never been to a circus before, or at least I don't remember going to one. I might have as a kid. I've never really seen the appeal, but we were in Boston and I was down to do something spontaneous, so we bought two tickets.
After that we proceeded to the Quincy Market. This place was stacked. No joke. It was basically this huge rectangle building with about 20 places to eat on each side on the inside and stores on the outside. Picking what to eat was an extremely hard decision. Everywhere your head turned, you saw something delicious. Not to mention all of the smells wafting around. In the end I decided on a Chicken Parmesan sandwich, with some cheese fries, which were actually kinda gross because they used melted cheese. They did that later on when I got chili fries too. Not very good. This might be a problem if I go to Boston.
After we ate, we went around the stores shopping. Got a really sick Alice In Wonderland shirt for one of my main homies. wanted to buy this shirt:
cause it was super sick. But i didn't think my mother would appreciate it. oh well.
We went back to the hotel to chill for a little bit before the circus. Then we went to the circus and got snacks and this huge thing of popcorn and watched the circus. It was pretty entertaining. There weren't any animals but it was still pretty tight.
Afterwards we went to this place called Chicago Uno Grill. It was supposed to be a really good pizza place but we had pizza the night before so we got burgers. They were really good. Also, we split this oreo brownie dessert which was almost like pizookie status. Sooo good. Boston's got some tight food.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Boston: Arrival and Day 1
Sorry this took a while. I've been caught up with things. Boston was pretty cool. I'll try to highlight as much of the trip as I can.
We arrived around 4 something. It was like like 90 degrees outside. Pleasant surprise I guess. I had arranged a shuttle to come us up around 5 but we were outside of the terminal around 415. the lady I had talked to said that the shuttles come at 430 and 5 so I thought that we could just wait till 430 and the shuttle would pick us up. So around 430 this shuttle rolls around and it says Sheraton on the side (our hotel) so I go up to the window and the driver asks what hotel we are going to. I saw Sheraton and he tells us to get in.
When we get in, we were surprised by someone from our school on the same shuttle. She was spending the next few days at the MIT admit weekend or something like that. Anyways, the shuttle is driving everyone to their hotels, I'm looking around at Boston, and I get this call. It was the shuttle I had arranged and they were looking for us. I told them that I had already gotten on one, thinking that it was the one i had booked, and they said they would have to charge me for it. Oops.
We were the last ones dropped off at our hotel. It was actually pretty nice. Good location too. Big, right in the middle of the city. We went up to our rooms, claimed our beds, sat there for like 5 minutes, then decided to go explore the city. We spent a good two hours wandering and looking for things to do. Then we finally met up with our Boston connection, a friend of a friend of a friend; we called him Matt Boston. He hooked us up and told us where we could go and places to eat.
That night we went to this old pizza place that had been open for like 80 years and was the original of this chain. It was called Pizzeria Regina's and it was pretty legit. The service there was pretty bad, but i enjoyed when the waitress swept the trash on our table onto the floor and just left it there, at least for the comedic value. The pizza was really good though.
We caught a taxi back to the hotel and got our trunks on and went down to use the jacuzzi. When we got down there, a guy said that it was closing soon but that we could still go. So we sat in the jacuzzi while it drained, not very fun. We went back up to the room, watched some tv and went to sleep. We were stoked for the full day ahead of us the next morning.
We arrived around 4 something. It was like like 90 degrees outside. Pleasant surprise I guess. I had arranged a shuttle to come us up around 5 but we were outside of the terminal around 415. the lady I had talked to said that the shuttles come at 430 and 5 so I thought that we could just wait till 430 and the shuttle would pick us up. So around 430 this shuttle rolls around and it says Sheraton on the side (our hotel) so I go up to the window and the driver asks what hotel we are going to. I saw Sheraton and he tells us to get in.
When we get in, we were surprised by someone from our school on the same shuttle. She was spending the next few days at the MIT admit weekend or something like that. Anyways, the shuttle is driving everyone to their hotels, I'm looking around at Boston, and I get this call. It was the shuttle I had arranged and they were looking for us. I told them that I had already gotten on one, thinking that it was the one i had booked, and they said they would have to charge me for it. Oops.
We were the last ones dropped off at our hotel. It was actually pretty nice. Good location too. Big, right in the middle of the city. We went up to our rooms, claimed our beds, sat there for like 5 minutes, then decided to go explore the city. We spent a good two hours wandering and looking for things to do. Then we finally met up with our Boston connection, a friend of a friend of a friend; we called him Matt Boston. He hooked us up and told us where we could go and places to eat.
That night we went to this old pizza place that had been open for like 80 years and was the original of this chain. It was called Pizzeria Regina's and it was pretty legit. The service there was pretty bad, but i enjoyed when the waitress swept the trash on our table onto the floor and just left it there, at least for the comedic value. The pizza was really good though.
We caught a taxi back to the hotel and got our trunks on and went down to use the jacuzzi. When we got down there, a guy said that it was closing soon but that we could still go. So we sat in the jacuzzi while it drained, not very fun. We went back up to the room, watched some tv and went to sleep. We were stoked for the full day ahead of us the next morning.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Boston: The Departure
It's 5:16 in the morning. I haven't been up this early in forever. The reason I'm up is because this morning I am leaving for Boston this morning with one of my best friends Francis. I'm going there so I can check out BU. He is checking out both BC and BU. I'm excited. Should be a lot of fun. I'll try to post about the trip when I get back or something. Anyways, I'm off. Cya later PV.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Hey, Soul Sister
Hey Soul Sister - Train
Hey, hey, hey
Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind
Hey soul sister, ain't the Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me
You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind
Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
The way you can't cut a rug, watching you's the only drug I need
You're so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see, I can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you be with me
Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight,
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Tonight
For the record, I was listening to this song before it got popular. She gave it to me. Ironic that she gave me the song that made me think of her when I listened to it. I really like this song. It's appeal has gone down a little bit ever since it started playing all over, but it is still undoubtedly a great song; it's catchy, with good lyrics, and has a nice ukulele instrumental (i am quite partial to ukuleles for personal reasons). I know that I've lost credibility, posting this after everyone knows about it, but I seriously did hear this song before a lot of people.
The title, the concept itself, is quite original - hey soul sister - a term unrivaled by the popular ones: lover, baby, darling, etc. It resembles soul mate, but I feel like it's a little bit different, more real. If there really is such thing as a soul mate. I'm not sure what I believe about true love, love at first sight, soul mates, etc. I mean, I am a fan of romance, but does everything romantics pine for exist? Maybe not. Who knows. It doesn't really matter though (does it?). I'm not trying to look too far into anything (which is quite difficult for me some of you may know). I'm really happy right now. Simple as that. And if there is such a thing as a "soul sister", I feel like I've found a pretty good candidate.
"I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind"
Hey, hey, hey
Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind
Hey soul sister, ain't the Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me
You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind
Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
The way you can't cut a rug, watching you's the only drug I need
You're so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see, I can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you be with me
Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight,
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Tonight
Hey, hey,hey
Tonight
For the record, I was listening to this song before it got popular. She gave it to me. Ironic that she gave me the song that made me think of her when I listened to it. I really like this song. It's appeal has gone down a little bit ever since it started playing all over, but it is still undoubtedly a great song; it's catchy, with good lyrics, and has a nice ukulele instrumental (i am quite partial to ukuleles for personal reasons). I know that I've lost credibility, posting this after everyone knows about it, but I seriously did hear this song before a lot of people.
The title, the concept itself, is quite original - hey soul sister - a term unrivaled by the popular ones: lover, baby, darling, etc. It resembles soul mate, but I feel like it's a little bit different, more real. If there really is such thing as a soul mate. I'm not sure what I believe about true love, love at first sight, soul mates, etc. I mean, I am a fan of romance, but does everything romantics pine for exist? Maybe not. Who knows. It doesn't really matter though (does it?). I'm not trying to look too far into anything (which is quite difficult for me some of you may know). I'm really happy right now. Simple as that. And if there is such a thing as a "soul sister", I feel like I've found a pretty good candidate.
"I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Neurons.
I have realized that I am a slightly neurotic person. It isn't something that someone would necessarily be proud of, I just am. For those of you who don't really know what it means, here's the dictionary.com definition
"of, pertaining to, or characteristic of neurosis." Wow. Helpful. Don't you love definitions like this? So I looked up neurosis:
2.a relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment.
Those are a little extreme for what I'm talking about, but I think you get the general picture. I'm insecure. Just like everybody else is, or pretends to be. It probably doesn't seem like it, but it's true. On the outside, I am outgoing, but on the inside I am an insecure little girl (no offense ladies). It doesn't affect me majorly, but enough that it is noticeable.
It's not like I am insecure about everyday relations - like being afraid I will say something stupid to a group of peers. I will say something that's on my mind, and if it turns out to be stupid after I said it, I'll just be like wait that was stupid, and laugh about it. But that's about it. It's more about the important things, or people I should say.
I guess that I'm worried that people don't feel the same way about me that I feel about them. Mostly that I give too much for them to give back. Or. I don't know. It's not always that black and white. But I guess another one of those age old questions is, " does he or she feel the same way about me?" The answer is probably not. I mean she can love him for this while he loves her for that. They still love each other ( whatever love is), just not for the same reasons. If that makes sense. Just like nothing is really as simple as it seems.
So in these dead hours, I am left alone with my thoughts. They are temperamental, only nice to me when they feel like it, mean occasionally for fun, but hard to understand infallibly. It is in these moments alone that the worst of me is revealed. And I know that if anyone wanted to be rid of me, I couldn't blame them for it. I really couldn't. I'm not going on about how bad of a person I am, and how much I suck, and how I don't deserve anything good, cause that's just pathetic. I'm pretty awesome sometimes. So are most people. I'm just saying that not everybody is compatible for everyone else in every situation.
I look at little things and think, "wow. she must not like me." Whatever these "things" are they could be unintentional and completely harmless , if it weren't for my stupid neurotic brain, but they could be something else. I am highly aware of the phrase, " too good to be true" and I know that it could be present in this situation. Because she's so high above me.
I know that I over think things. It's a problem of mine. But there are some things that, if they had to be put into a category of "she loves me" or "she loves me not", would definitely be put in the "she loves me not" category. But what is a man to do? Besides a whiny cryptic message. uhm. yeah that's about all. It's not that big of a deal. Just my mind wanders sometimes. I need to try to rope it in more often.
1.a functional disorder in which feelings of anxiety, obsessional thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical complaints without objective evidence of disease, in various degrees and patterns, dominate the personality.
2.a relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment.
Those are a little extreme for what I'm talking about, but I think you get the general picture. I'm insecure. Just like everybody else is, or pretends to be. It probably doesn't seem like it, but it's true. On the outside, I am outgoing, but on the inside I am an insecure little girl (no offense ladies). It doesn't affect me majorly, but enough that it is noticeable.
It's not like I am insecure about everyday relations - like being afraid I will say something stupid to a group of peers. I will say something that's on my mind, and if it turns out to be stupid after I said it, I'll just be like wait that was stupid, and laugh about it. But that's about it. It's more about the important things, or people I should say.
I guess that I'm worried that people don't feel the same way about me that I feel about them. Mostly that I give too much for them to give back. Or. I don't know. It's not always that black and white. But I guess another one of those age old questions is, " does he or she feel the same way about me?" The answer is probably not. I mean she can love him for this while he loves her for that. They still love each other ( whatever love is), just not for the same reasons. If that makes sense. Just like nothing is really as simple as it seems.
So in these dead hours, I am left alone with my thoughts. They are temperamental, only nice to me when they feel like it, mean occasionally for fun, but hard to understand infallibly. It is in these moments alone that the worst of me is revealed. And I know that if anyone wanted to be rid of me, I couldn't blame them for it. I really couldn't. I'm not going on about how bad of a person I am, and how much I suck, and how I don't deserve anything good, cause that's just pathetic. I'm pretty awesome sometimes. So are most people. I'm just saying that not everybody is compatible for everyone else in every situation.
I look at little things and think, "wow. she must not like me." Whatever these "things" are they could be unintentional and completely harmless , if it weren't for my stupid neurotic brain, but they could be something else. I am highly aware of the phrase, " too good to be true" and I know that it could be present in this situation. Because she's so high above me.
I know that I over think things. It's a problem of mine. But there are some things that, if they had to be put into a category of "she loves me" or "she loves me not", would definitely be put in the "she loves me not" category. But what is a man to do? Besides a whiny cryptic message. uhm. yeah that's about all. It's not that big of a deal. Just my mind wanders sometimes. I need to try to rope it in more often.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I saw you the other day...
you changed your hair but you looked the same.
You've been hanging around lately. It's weird to see you. Nice I guess. But weird. It's like thinking about you and me a year ago and thinking about you and me now is really weird. It's not like I feel nostalgic, it's just that I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to act. Especially because you have all of these rules that we are apparently supposed to follow. I don't know who created these rules, but in my opinion, they suck. We should just be.
In a way, these rules are counter-productive. We have to slow things down to abide to these rules. It's like there's this road (to wherever we are trying to go with this) and there are road blocks in the middle of the road, and we have to go all the way around these road blocks as opposed to working through them. If that makes sense. Stupid metaphor?
You told me about your new guy. I asked you and you asked me if I really wanted to know. I asked didn't I? It was kind of unexpected. Well unexpected in the sense that it should have been expected but it wasn't? Now that I think about it, you said the same thing about me. I guess these sort of things happen. I wasn't upset. Just curious.
Things change. That's the way of life. But it's impossible to be totally free of any inertia.
You've been hanging around lately. It's weird to see you. Nice I guess. But weird. It's like thinking about you and me a year ago and thinking about you and me now is really weird. It's not like I feel nostalgic, it's just that I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to act. Especially because you have all of these rules that we are apparently supposed to follow. I don't know who created these rules, but in my opinion, they suck. We should just be.
In a way, these rules are counter-productive. We have to slow things down to abide to these rules. It's like there's this road (to wherever we are trying to go with this) and there are road blocks in the middle of the road, and we have to go all the way around these road blocks as opposed to working through them. If that makes sense. Stupid metaphor?
You told me about your new guy. I asked you and you asked me if I really wanted to know. I asked didn't I? It was kind of unexpected. Well unexpected in the sense that it should have been expected but it wasn't? Now that I think about it, you said the same thing about me. I guess these sort of things happen. I wasn't upset. Just curious.
Things change. That's the way of life. But it's impossible to be totally free of any inertia.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Confession
My last post must have seemed emo. I didn't mean it to be. Well, maybe I did. But the point is, what the actual hard thing is, is writing this blog. My confession is this: I lost track of the purpose of this blog. I guess about the same time I was questioning purpose in general. Not the age old question of "what's the purpose of life", but rather the question of personal purpose - what I want to do with myself.
Things are basically confusing as hell now. Friendship dynamics are very backasswards now. People talking to people I never would have expected. Friendships, relationships, all f*cked up (not all the sense of bad, but different) - goes to prove that the world is not immune from turning itself on it's head individually with each new litte surprise. It's terrifying and refreshing at the same time.
I've discovered that the only people that read my blog, are people that I don't really talk to. Everyone that I would want to read my blog, doesn't, and probably won't. The people that read this, are judgemental, some of them. I know that they wouldn't approve of a lot of the things I have to say. Normally, I honestly could care less what people think. I wanted to put everything out there, but it feels kind of pointless if the only people that are going to read it are going to ridicule it, even just silently in their head.
Basically, this blog isn't going to be all that I wanted it to be originally. But that doesn't mean it can't be good, or serve it's purpose, or whatever it is that blogs are supposed to do. I had this really long post about March and how much it sucked. I'm not going to post it. Just another wasted effort. But it's okay. It really is. I'll be better about this blog. And maybe it will work out eventually. I'm making my real blog somewhere else. It will be secret. The right people can read it when it's ready.
Things are basically confusing as hell now. Friendship dynamics are very backasswards now. People talking to people I never would have expected. Friendships, relationships, all f*cked up (not all the sense of bad, but different) - goes to prove that the world is not immune from turning itself on it's head individually with each new litte surprise. It's terrifying and refreshing at the same time.
I've discovered that the only people that read my blog, are people that I don't really talk to. Everyone that I would want to read my blog, doesn't, and probably won't. The people that read this, are judgemental, some of them. I know that they wouldn't approve of a lot of the things I have to say. Normally, I honestly could care less what people think. I wanted to put everything out there, but it feels kind of pointless if the only people that are going to read it are going to ridicule it, even just silently in their head.
Basically, this blog isn't going to be all that I wanted it to be originally. But that doesn't mean it can't be good, or serve it's purpose, or whatever it is that blogs are supposed to do. I had this really long post about March and how much it sucked. I'm not going to post it. Just another wasted effort. But it's okay. It really is. I'll be better about this blog. And maybe it will work out eventually. I'm making my real blog somewhere else. It will be secret. The right people can read it when it's ready.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Spring Cleaning
I have my basketball shorts and a comfortable shirt on, my beanie, and my faithful yet temperamental (concerning genre) ipod plugged in my ear. Time for that very delayed post.
I'm going through a crazy stage. A spring cleaning stage. Though it is not just spring cleaning in the usual sense. It's also a spring cleaning of the mind.
Momentary paause for some painkillers. I've been taking a lot lately. Hm. I just get headaches.
It all started (the spring cleaning, not the painkillers or the headaches) when I one day decided to look through the box of letters from my ex-girlfriend. I read, or at least glanced, through all of them. I say glanced because I couldn't bring myself to fully read through all of them. It was just really awkward. For myself. Because it was like looking at something from a different life. It would be like going back in a time machine and meeting myself. Just straight up weird. One friend suggested that I keep them so that I can read them later and it would be interesting, but I'm quite sure that if I read them later I will be filled with the same feeling of awkwardness. In the end I decided I couldn't keep them. And from that point on I decided I will clean out my room and get rid of all the stuff I either didn't need or didn't want and that began my cleaning tyrade.
One of the biggest jobs was my closet. It took a while to clean out, but some of the stuff I discovered brought back a lot of memories. Surprisingly, there were quite a few stuffed animals with stories attached. There was a...
I'm going through a crazy stage. A spring cleaning stage. Though it is not just spring cleaning in the usual sense. It's also a spring cleaning of the mind.
Momentary paause for some painkillers. I've been taking a lot lately. Hm. I just get headaches.
It all started (the spring cleaning, not the painkillers or the headaches) when I one day decided to look through the box of letters from my ex-girlfriend. I read, or at least glanced, through all of them. I say glanced because I couldn't bring myself to fully read through all of them. It was just really awkward. For myself. Because it was like looking at something from a different life. It would be like going back in a time machine and meeting myself. Just straight up weird. One friend suggested that I keep them so that I can read them later and it would be interesting, but I'm quite sure that if I read them later I will be filled with the same feeling of awkwardness. In the end I decided I couldn't keep them. And from that point on I decided I will clean out my room and get rid of all the stuff I either didn't need or didn't want and that began my cleaning tyrade.
One of the biggest jobs was my closet. It took a while to clean out, but some of the stuff I discovered brought back a lot of memories. Surprisingly, there were quite a few stuffed animals with stories attached. There was a...
- pink monkey: fairly unattractive and abrasive looking. a gift from my ex-girlfriend that she got at Knotts. I guess it was nice momento to prove that she was thinking about me. but I'm not really sure what I was supposed to do with it. Though I supposed that could be said about many gifts.
- frog: I don't remember where I got it. I feel like I got it from some sort of claw machine at a breakfast at a place like Norms with some friends. I feel like I had a good time.
- hedgehog: I won it as a prize in those games at amusement parks. Do people really want those prizes? They aren't really that great and you have to carry them around the whole time. I didn't even have a girl to give it to. But then again what girl would want a hedgehog as a gift? "Hey I like you, impale yourself on these spikes."
- a purple unicorn: a gift I bought for a girl that I never gave to her. This was a girl who I was pretty good friends with, on and off, but only because we went to different schools so exposure was limited. I don't talk to her anymore but I did before. I used to want to get with her pretty badly. I thought she was extremely attractive. Not just looks but attitude as well. This one day I was talking with her and she told me she would love me if I caught her a unicorn. So I went looking and I found this very nice looking stuffed unicorn at Toys-R-Us. Does this make me a tool or a hopeless romantic? I would prefer to think the latter. But anyways. I never really got to see her after I bought it for her. So it has been in my closet for over a year. But then I gave it away to Goodwill. $20 down the drain. Oh well. I used to want to hook up with this girl before high school ended. Which makes me either a pig or a basically any negative association girls can come up with for guys. But I don't know if its really like that. I don't want to anymore. She has been with many guys and quite possibly girls (haha jk. sorta. I know she has kissed girls before though. lol) . It was a nice little fantasy once. I'm way over it though. I have everything I need now. Plus I'm just not down.
- Jimini Cricket: When I was in 8th grade, I thought that I was smart, I thought I was cool, and I thought I was in love; I was an idiot. The person that I was enamored with was my lovely best friend (of the time). But she had some qualities that I didn't like and also I was shy and scared to tell her how I felt and passive aggressive and all of these led to fights. Eventually, I heard that she liked someone, and it wasn't me, and I was crushed. This led to a bigger fight and then we had a falling out. Months after this falling out, I was out buying christmas presents and I found this Jimini Cricket doll. I thought it would be suiting to get this girl a conscience for christmas (because I was soo witty you know?). But then after I bought it, I never gave it to her. I was partially scared, but partially I thought it would just be messed up. I still have it. So ironically it's kind of like my conscience now. I'm such a loser. Sometimes I wish things would have turned out differently with this girl, but then if it had, then my entire life would be different, and all of the good things that happened since then might not have happened. Who knows? Everything happens for a reason I believe. I'm happy and she's happy too. We were "BFF's" so I think that's what we'd want for each other.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Today was strange
Today was strange
in many a way
it may sound queer
but I just have to say
I woke up like normal
all snug in my bed
but where my feet were
there once was my head
And brushing my teeth
would have been a waste
because there was frosting
instead of toothpaste
Today was strange
in many a way
my shoes got offended
and they walked away
My shirt had a theory
that my pants were the boss
so it folded its arms
and got real cross
Just when I began to wonder
how I'd get to school
my room filled with water
like a big swimming pool
Today was strange
in many a way
the water covered my head
and my breathing gave way
To be honest, I guess
it was more like a sea
because there were hundreds of fish
swimming around me
Then I woke up
it was just a nightmare.
But then why was there a guppy
stuck in my hair?
in many a way
it may sound queer
but I just have to say
I woke up like normal
all snug in my bed
but where my feet were
there once was my head
And brushing my teeth
would have been a waste
because there was frosting
instead of toothpaste
Today was strange
in many a way
my shoes got offended
and they walked away
My shirt had a theory
that my pants were the boss
so it folded its arms
and got real cross
Just when I began to wonder
how I'd get to school
my room filled with water
like a big swimming pool
Today was strange
in many a way
the water covered my head
and my breathing gave way
To be honest, I guess
it was more like a sea
because there were hundreds of fish
swimming around me
Then I woke up
it was just a nightmare.
But then why was there a guppy
stuck in my hair?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
It's Over.
In case you didn't already guess. Wrestling is over. It's been a long four years, and I'm glad that I'm finally done, but I can't help but be a little nostalgic. Because of wrestling, I've learned numerous life lessons, become a better person, become tougher physically and mentally, and gained some great friendships. One of my best friends, is actually a wrestler, and he was my wrestling partner. Without wrestling, we definitely would not have been as close. We've got some great memories from these past four years.
If there was some kind of happiness poll between the athletes of all the different sports, wrestlers would definitely rate the lowest. Wrestling sucks. It's the most physically and mentally draining thing I have ever done. You are constantly using every muscle in your body, but if you don't do it the right way, then you get yelled at. Cutting weight is horrible. You are constantly hungry, and sometimes you are even thirsty, without hope of being satiated or quenched. Hunger transforms from something purely physical to something mental as well, until the majority of your thoughts are laced with some form of food or nourishment.
It's miserable, but if I were asked if I would do it all over again, I would say hell yeah. So basically, if given another chance, would I take the red pill again? Yes. Like I said, it's miserable, but it's also so much more. In wrestling you learn how to break mental barriers that you never thought were possible to overcome. It's hard to explain, but straight-up wrestling is a messed up sport. Every wrestling match is like a fight. Each wrestler struggles for physical domination of the other. And in all honestly, once you get that feeling, when you are controlling the match, and you are dominating them, you feel really good, like a bad ass or something. I always thought of myself as a hunter and whoever I wrestled was my prey. But the other guy probably had some analogy he used to pump himself up. Who knows? Everyone did their own thing.
I did absolutely horrible in the CIF tournament. Throughout this year, I was known for having really good tournaments, wrestling really well, and wrestling fundamentally, but this tournament, the only one that counted for anything, was a different story. I wrestled really badly. I could have beaten both of the guys that I lost to. I just couldn't focus or concentrate. Couldn't pump myself up like I usually do. It's ironic. There were a few tournaments where I was the last guy on our team to be left in the tournament. I was the first one to be eliminated from this one.
O well. It's all over now. I achieved nothing spectacular in my career. My senior year record was pretty good, but no outstanding placings, no first place medals. I'll just slip through the cracks and join the ranks of all the other wrestlers who could not become legends. I did gain some personal insight though. I've gained a bit of confidence. I was good for a while, a force to be reckoned with. I got hooked on winning, and it felt good. And I've proven to myself that I could push myself and break barriers. So even if I didn't win league or place in CIF, I got something out of this season. I know that I got something out of my career.
I am officially done with my high-school athletic career. That chapter of my life is over. And a new one begins...
If there was some kind of happiness poll between the athletes of all the different sports, wrestlers would definitely rate the lowest. Wrestling sucks. It's the most physically and mentally draining thing I have ever done. You are constantly using every muscle in your body, but if you don't do it the right way, then you get yelled at. Cutting weight is horrible. You are constantly hungry, and sometimes you are even thirsty, without hope of being satiated or quenched. Hunger transforms from something purely physical to something mental as well, until the majority of your thoughts are laced with some form of food or nourishment.
It's miserable, but if I were asked if I would do it all over again, I would say hell yeah. So basically, if given another chance, would I take the red pill again? Yes. Like I said, it's miserable, but it's also so much more. In wrestling you learn how to break mental barriers that you never thought were possible to overcome. It's hard to explain, but straight-up wrestling is a messed up sport. Every wrestling match is like a fight. Each wrestler struggles for physical domination of the other. And in all honestly, once you get that feeling, when you are controlling the match, and you are dominating them, you feel really good, like a bad ass or something. I always thought of myself as a hunter and whoever I wrestled was my prey. But the other guy probably had some analogy he used to pump himself up. Who knows? Everyone did their own thing.
I did absolutely horrible in the CIF tournament. Throughout this year, I was known for having really good tournaments, wrestling really well, and wrestling fundamentally, but this tournament, the only one that counted for anything, was a different story. I wrestled really badly. I could have beaten both of the guys that I lost to. I just couldn't focus or concentrate. Couldn't pump myself up like I usually do. It's ironic. There were a few tournaments where I was the last guy on our team to be left in the tournament. I was the first one to be eliminated from this one.
O well. It's all over now. I achieved nothing spectacular in my career. My senior year record was pretty good, but no outstanding placings, no first place medals. I'll just slip through the cracks and join the ranks of all the other wrestlers who could not become legends. I did gain some personal insight though. I've gained a bit of confidence. I was good for a while, a force to be reckoned with. I got hooked on winning, and it felt good. And I've proven to myself that I could push myself and break barriers. So even if I didn't win league or place in CIF, I got something out of this season. I know that I got something out of my career.
I am officially done with my high-school athletic career. That chapter of my life is over. And a new one begins...
First Days of Freedom
On Monday, after school, I seshed, hung out with my friends, went to Fantastic Cafe, had a delicious breakfast burrito along with some chili fries, went to an ASB meeting, then came home and ate an entire box of tagalongs.
On Tuesday, I gave blood. I didn't really want to at first. I don't like needles. I wouldn't say that I'm scared of them. I'm not really scared of anything physical. I'm more scared of the unknown. I guess I could say that I am afraid of heights, but a more accurate statement would be that I am aware of heights. So like if I am really high up, I am aware that I am at that height, and to be careful, because honestly I am so clumsy that I will find the only crack in a 100-foot radius and trip on it.
But anyways, I digress. I don't like needles. They make me squeamish. I don't like the sensation or the sight of needles entering skin. But my girlfriend convinced me. She is the kind of person that just like jumps into things,especially challenges, which I admire in her. I like to accompany her on her adventures so I agreed to give blood. Also, I didn't want to seem like wimp.
So anyways, I am like super nervous when they were prepping me. Then like when the lady jabbed in the needle she missed the middle of my vein. So she called over someone else to help her and the guy was adjusting the needle the whole time and I was trying not to think about it but the sensation I was getting from the man moving the needle around was a little painful and more than a little uncomfortable. Sort of reminded me of the sensation of getting stitches removed, in a way. But anyways I was feeling pretty faint and they didn't even get a whole bag cause my blood ended up clotting. So major fail. But at least I tried. One bag saves three lives. Pretty sure I saved at least one. So that's legit.
After, I went with my girlfriend to get some free pancakes at IHOP, then we went to the library, I rented Alice In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass to read before the movie comes out (I'm soo stoked to watch it). Then I went home and played some Legend of Zelda. Good day.
Today, I didn't really do anything after school. Cleaned my room.
On Tuesday, I gave blood. I didn't really want to at first. I don't like needles. I wouldn't say that I'm scared of them. I'm not really scared of anything physical. I'm more scared of the unknown. I guess I could say that I am afraid of heights, but a more accurate statement would be that I am aware of heights. So like if I am really high up, I am aware that I am at that height, and to be careful, because honestly I am so clumsy that I will find the only crack in a 100-foot radius and trip on it.
But anyways, I digress. I don't like needles. They make me squeamish. I don't like the sensation or the sight of needles entering skin. But my girlfriend convinced me. She is the kind of person that just like jumps into things,especially challenges, which I admire in her. I like to accompany her on her adventures so I agreed to give blood. Also, I didn't want to seem like wimp.
So anyways, I am like super nervous when they were prepping me. Then like when the lady jabbed in the needle she missed the middle of my vein. So she called over someone else to help her and the guy was adjusting the needle the whole time and I was trying not to think about it but the sensation I was getting from the man moving the needle around was a little painful and more than a little uncomfortable. Sort of reminded me of the sensation of getting stitches removed, in a way. But anyways I was feeling pretty faint and they didn't even get a whole bag cause my blood ended up clotting. So major fail. But at least I tried. One bag saves three lives. Pretty sure I saved at least one. So that's legit.
After, I went with my girlfriend to get some free pancakes at IHOP, then we went to the library, I rented Alice In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass to read before the movie comes out (I'm soo stoked to watch it). Then I went home and played some Legend of Zelda. Good day.
Today, I didn't really do anything after school. Cleaned my room.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
CIF
I've thought of a couple of posts throughout the week, but I haven't been able to put them up yet. I've been both occupied and preoccupied, if you understand the distinction.
This weekend, tomorrow, is the final tournament of the wrestling season. CIF Division Finals. Last week were the CIF Duals, which is the team tournament. The tournament this weekend is individual.
All four years of my wrestling career has led me to this moment. Every practice, every tournament, everything, is based on getting to this tournament and placing in it. I've prepared and I've done all I can get to this point and to be ready for it. It's just really weird that it's finally here.
I'm expected to place in this tournament and win a CIF medal. And I want to, because winning a CIF medal will make everything worthwhile. And it would be an amazing capstone to my senior year. Whatever happens, happens, but I'm going there with a purpose.
This weekend, tomorrow, is the final tournament of the wrestling season. CIF Division Finals. Last week were the CIF Duals, which is the team tournament. The tournament this weekend is individual.
All four years of my wrestling career has led me to this moment. Every practice, every tournament, everything, is based on getting to this tournament and placing in it. I've prepared and I've done all I can get to this point and to be ready for it. It's just really weird that it's finally here.
I'm expected to place in this tournament and win a CIF medal. And I want to, because winning a CIF medal will make everything worthwhile. And it would be an amazing capstone to my senior year. Whatever happens, happens, but I'm going there with a purpose.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Expectations
I know that I have been neglecting this blog. And for that I am sorry. I've just been really busy. Not just the amount and length of things I've been having to do, but the importance of them. Like my focus and attention has been very channeled as of late, causing anything outside of my tunnel-vision to be ignored. However, I plan to make amends starting with the blog.
In my last post, I talked about my bad day, and at the end I promised that in my next post I would discuss the bad night I had on that same day. However, I've realized that my night really wasn't bad at all. It was just my attitude. We tried to plan something and it didn't work out, but we ended up doing something else. I was still with my homies it just wasn't how I had pictured it - and just a little less than ideal. But I was basically just bitching.
Thinking, I traced my angst back to my father. He is a very structured man bent on always having a plan and always being organized. I've realized that being raised by him has limited my ability to be spontaneous. I would really like to be spontaneous, I enjoy it, especially because this lovely lady whom I adore is a big fan of spontaneity. I wish I could be more spontaneous, and I try; I'm getting better, it's just tough. I guess that I just have a problem when things don't goes as planned or my expectations aren't met. It's just the way I was raised. But I've come to realize that that is the way of life - expectations not being met or plans falling through. and trying to deal with the situation that follows. So I plan to be a little better about it.
Life is all about rolling with the punches. Bad things, or even just things different than were expected, are going to happen. The only way to deal with it is to keep moving putting one foot in front of the other and deal with it.
I mean look at this guy. I bet he never expected to be ripped in half by a giant stapler but he is still grinning. Perhaps at the irony or hilarity of the situation? That's the kind of man I plan to be one day. Minus the part about being in half.
I've realized that in life, people place insurmountable amounts of influence into you. Especially your parents, but also friends and acquaintances. And it is your job to sort through everything anyone has ever given you and chose the aspects that you chose to live with. For example, from my dad I get charisma, anal-ism, and skills in debating. I choose to keep the charisma and skills in debating and rid myself of the anal-ism. Does that make sense? Maybe not. But to me it does.
In other news, I found $80 will looking through letters that my ex-girlfriend gave to me. I must have hid it in the envelope and then put the envelope away without knowing. Hm. It was a nice surprise I guess. I was looking through the letters trying to determine if I should just throw them all away. Still trying to decide. More on that later. Along with Valentine's Day. Etc.
In my last post, I talked about my bad day, and at the end I promised that in my next post I would discuss the bad night I had on that same day. However, I've realized that my night really wasn't bad at all. It was just my attitude. We tried to plan something and it didn't work out, but we ended up doing something else. I was still with my homies it just wasn't how I had pictured it - and just a little less than ideal. But I was basically just bitching.
Thinking, I traced my angst back to my father. He is a very structured man bent on always having a plan and always being organized. I've realized that being raised by him has limited my ability to be spontaneous. I would really like to be spontaneous, I enjoy it, especially because this lovely lady whom I adore is a big fan of spontaneity. I wish I could be more spontaneous, and I try; I'm getting better, it's just tough. I guess that I just have a problem when things don't goes as planned or my expectations aren't met. It's just the way I was raised. But I've come to realize that that is the way of life - expectations not being met or plans falling through. and trying to deal with the situation that follows. So I plan to be a little better about it.
Life is all about rolling with the punches. Bad things, or even just things different than were expected, are going to happen. The only way to deal with it is to keep moving putting one foot in front of the other and deal with it.
I mean look at this guy. I bet he never expected to be ripped in half by a giant stapler but he is still grinning. Perhaps at the irony or hilarity of the situation? That's the kind of man I plan to be one day. Minus the part about being in half.
I've realized that in life, people place insurmountable amounts of influence into you. Especially your parents, but also friends and acquaintances. And it is your job to sort through everything anyone has ever given you and chose the aspects that you chose to live with. For example, from my dad I get charisma, anal-ism, and skills in debating. I choose to keep the charisma and skills in debating and rid myself of the anal-ism. Does that make sense? Maybe not. But to me it does.
In other news, I found $80 will looking through letters that my ex-girlfriend gave to me. I must have hid it in the envelope and then put the envelope away without knowing. Hm. It was a nice surprise I guess. I was looking through the letters trying to determine if I should just throw them all away. Still trying to decide. More on that later. Along with Valentine's Day. Etc.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Bad Day.
Everyone has them. Mine started at 6:00 AM and ended at 12:00 AM. The reason that my day started so early is that I am a wrestler. I have been wrestling, along with playing football, for four years. Football season ended with my team having an 0-10 record. Wrestling is soon coming to an end and, like football, the team is having minimal success. In the past years, these teams have been good, but no longer. I am starting to wonder if I have some sort of reverse-Hand-of-Midas-effect. But even I don't think I can be that important.
Yesterday was the last wrestling tournament before League Finals, which is the first tournament in what is called the National Qualifying Series. If you get 1st or 2nd in League Finals, you go to CIF, if you place in CIF, you go to Masters, if you place in Masters, you go to the State Meet, then Nationals.Anyways, the tournament yesterday was small and inconsequential in the scope of things;however, I really wanted to do well. In the past season I have placed 7th at every individual tournament and the only tournament where I was going to place higher than 7th was ended early because it was poorly run.
So I had placing in mind. 1st through 3rd place. The beginning of the tournament went alright. I had a bye (that means you don't have a match but you move up in the bracket) then I won my first match, which landed me in the semi-finals. I lost my semi-finals match but I wasn't too upset because the guy was really good. I won my next match in the consolation bracket which got me into the match to wrestle for 3rd place.
Throughout the tournament, I had my eyes on a wrestler from La Sierra. He had been my only loss in the last tournament we had gone to, and it had been a really close match that I should have won, so I wanted my revenge. As fate would have it, I would be wrestling him for 3rd place. I was stoked because I really wanted to beat him and I knew that I could have. So when the time for the match came, I was pumped up.
We put up our singlets and put on our headgear and step into the circle. The ref tells us to shake hands, he blows the whistle, and the match starts. We circle for a bit, pushing it at points, testing the waters. Then we collide and fight for the tie. He puts his hand around my neck and I grab his wrist with one hand and his bicep with the other. I now have control of his arm. I turn him to the side. I'm confident now. I push his arm into him and go for his legs. I don't shoot in hard enough. He catches me in puts me in a headlock. My arm is stuck and is pushing against my neck. I should know how to fight it but I panic. I put my hands on the mat and tried to muscle out of it - big mistake. I then noticed that I was choking and loosing air. I was close to passing out, but I didn't actually think I would. I was fighting it, loosing awareness, then...
All of the sudden I came to. I jumped back up into my wrestling stance. Ready to run back to the center and continue wrestling. Then my coach yelled at me to sit down. I sat down and he came over and he asked, "Do you know where you are?" and I said, "Centenial." "Do you know what this match was for?" "3rd place". I realized that these were the questions that coaches ask when someone passes out. Then I realized that I must have passed out. I think I told my coach that I was okay, but maybe I was just thinking that. My coach helped me up and I went back to the center. The ref asked if I was okay and I said that I was. He then raised my opponents hand - he had won. I was shocked. I thought we were going to continue wrestling. But apparently, I had gotten pinned. I got my clothes on and stormed out of the gym hiding my face.
So much for "fate" to get choked out 30 seconds into my revenge match. That's not what you would have seen in some sports movie. If I was on the Mighty Ducks or the Titans then I would have defeated my opponent at the end who had beaten me earlier and it would have been a glorious happy ending. But this is real life. And this is how things turn out sometimes. It's curious - how fate works - if there is such a thing as fate.
I was upset, but also confused. I'm not really sure what I was confused about, I was just confused. I bought a smoothie from the snack shack and I sat outside on a table looking at the mountains that surrounded the high school that we were at, talking to one of my closest friends, and fellow wrestler, about wrestling, life, and the connection of the two. After the awards ceremony, I received a medal for 4th place, we left. I was eager to be rid of the place.
I was looking forward to having a good time with my friends later that night. But it didn't really work out. More on that later.
Yesterday was the last wrestling tournament before League Finals, which is the first tournament in what is called the National Qualifying Series. If you get 1st or 2nd in League Finals, you go to CIF, if you place in CIF, you go to Masters, if you place in Masters, you go to the State Meet, then Nationals.Anyways, the tournament yesterday was small and inconsequential in the scope of things;however, I really wanted to do well. In the past season I have placed 7th at every individual tournament and the only tournament where I was going to place higher than 7th was ended early because it was poorly run.
So I had placing in mind. 1st through 3rd place. The beginning of the tournament went alright. I had a bye (that means you don't have a match but you move up in the bracket) then I won my first match, which landed me in the semi-finals. I lost my semi-finals match but I wasn't too upset because the guy was really good. I won my next match in the consolation bracket which got me into the match to wrestle for 3rd place.
Throughout the tournament, I had my eyes on a wrestler from La Sierra. He had been my only loss in the last tournament we had gone to, and it had been a really close match that I should have won, so I wanted my revenge. As fate would have it, I would be wrestling him for 3rd place. I was stoked because I really wanted to beat him and I knew that I could have. So when the time for the match came, I was pumped up.
We put up our singlets and put on our headgear and step into the circle. The ref tells us to shake hands, he blows the whistle, and the match starts. We circle for a bit, pushing it at points, testing the waters. Then we collide and fight for the tie. He puts his hand around my neck and I grab his wrist with one hand and his bicep with the other. I now have control of his arm. I turn him to the side. I'm confident now. I push his arm into him and go for his legs. I don't shoot in hard enough. He catches me in puts me in a headlock. My arm is stuck and is pushing against my neck. I should know how to fight it but I panic. I put my hands on the mat and tried to muscle out of it - big mistake. I then noticed that I was choking and loosing air. I was close to passing out, but I didn't actually think I would. I was fighting it, loosing awareness, then...
All of the sudden I came to. I jumped back up into my wrestling stance. Ready to run back to the center and continue wrestling. Then my coach yelled at me to sit down. I sat down and he came over and he asked, "Do you know where you are?" and I said, "Centenial." "Do you know what this match was for?" "3rd place". I realized that these were the questions that coaches ask when someone passes out. Then I realized that I must have passed out. I think I told my coach that I was okay, but maybe I was just thinking that. My coach helped me up and I went back to the center. The ref asked if I was okay and I said that I was. He then raised my opponents hand - he had won. I was shocked. I thought we were going to continue wrestling. But apparently, I had gotten pinned. I got my clothes on and stormed out of the gym hiding my face.
So much for "fate" to get choked out 30 seconds into my revenge match. That's not what you would have seen in some sports movie. If I was on the Mighty Ducks or the Titans then I would have defeated my opponent at the end who had beaten me earlier and it would have been a glorious happy ending. But this is real life. And this is how things turn out sometimes. It's curious - how fate works - if there is such a thing as fate.
I was upset, but also confused. I'm not really sure what I was confused about, I was just confused. I bought a smoothie from the snack shack and I sat outside on a table looking at the mountains that surrounded the high school that we were at, talking to one of my closest friends, and fellow wrestler, about wrestling, life, and the connection of the two. After the awards ceremony, I received a medal for 4th place, we left. I was eager to be rid of the place.
I was looking forward to having a good time with my friends later that night. But it didn't really work out. More on that later.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
VS.
Life is driven by conflict - both external and internal. In this important stage of my life, I find that I am mired with internal conflict; however, it may just be that I am more aware of it now. There are several different wars waging in my head right now. Fortunately, none of them are horribly wretched, they just give me something to think about.
Many of my conflicts depend on knowing what the right thing to do is. That's why the second bullet point has parenthesis around the (right thing). The point is, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I thought I did, but then when I told others, they didn't feel the same way. Basically, I wanted to tell someone something, because I felt obligated, but I don't talk to them anymore. Most of my friends said that it would be a bad idea to start up a conversation with a person I haven't talk to in three weeks just to give them some bad news. I bet it's pretty easy to guess what it is.
In the end it all comes down to one decision, one question: do I want to have this person in my life anymore? I don't know. There was a time when I couldn't imagine myself asking this question. But things change. Is it possible to avoid change? To avoid losing someone? Is it possible for someone to go from being one of the most important people in your life to being someone you don't talk to? Is any of this up to us?
Stalling is always a good method to cope with the problems you can't really deal with. I have other things to worry about right now. I have decided to deal with this later, though later may be too late. I guess in that sense I have made my decision. The present comes before the past.
- Doing what is right vs. what is easy
- Keeping the balance vs. upsetting the balance to do "the right thing"
- Living in the present vs. trying to preserve the past
- Listening to my heart vs. listening to other people
Many of my conflicts depend on knowing what the right thing to do is. That's why the second bullet point has parenthesis around the (right thing). The point is, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I thought I did, but then when I told others, they didn't feel the same way. Basically, I wanted to tell someone something, because I felt obligated, but I don't talk to them anymore. Most of my friends said that it would be a bad idea to start up a conversation with a person I haven't talk to in three weeks just to give them some bad news. I bet it's pretty easy to guess what it is.
In the end it all comes down to one decision, one question: do I want to have this person in my life anymore? I don't know. There was a time when I couldn't imagine myself asking this question. But things change. Is it possible to avoid change? To avoid losing someone? Is it possible for someone to go from being one of the most important people in your life to being someone you don't talk to? Is any of this up to us?
Stalling is always a good method to cope with the problems you can't really deal with. I have other things to worry about right now. I have decided to deal with this later, though later may be too late. I guess in that sense I have made my decision. The present comes before the past.
Hello, World
Hello Everybody. I am officially starting up this blog. Starting up a blog is akin to bringing a baby into the world and raising it, a bit. When it first comes into the world, it has all of its mechanical, technical, or bodily, functions, but it is severely lacking thoughts, ideas, and possibly feelings; then, you pour all of your own thoughts, ideas, and feelings into it and then it truly becomes your creation and it starts to represent a part of you. Similar.
I don't necessarily have a theme for this blog. Well not yet at least. A theme may come up later, either in a certain time frame or in specific blog posts, but mostly I am planning to play it by ear. I'll just write about what I feel like writing about. I seriously doubt it even matters because it's not like many people will read this.
I mean, blogs aren't really meant to serve the people reading them, but rather the people who write them. I read somewhere that most blogs are "serve-serving malarkey" and I don't doubt that. The internet is filled with a mass of useless information. Just thought I would add some of my own input. If anyone is reading this, enjoy.
I don't necessarily have a theme for this blog. Well not yet at least. A theme may come up later, either in a certain time frame or in specific blog posts, but mostly I am planning to play it by ear. I'll just write about what I feel like writing about. I seriously doubt it even matters because it's not like many people will read this.
I mean, blogs aren't really meant to serve the people reading them, but rather the people who write them. I read somewhere that most blogs are "serve-serving malarkey" and I don't doubt that. The internet is filled with a mass of useless information. Just thought I would add some of my own input. If anyone is reading this, enjoy.
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