Bad Day.

Everyone has them. Mine started at 6:00 AM and ended at 12:00 AM. The reason that my day started so early is that I am a wrestler. I have been wrestling, along with playing football, for four years. Football season ended with my team having an 0-10 record. Wrestling is soon coming to an end and, like football, the team is having minimal success. In the past years, these teams have been good, but no longer. I am starting to wonder if I have some sort of reverse-Hand-of-Midas-effect. But even I don't think I can be that important.

Yesterday was the last wrestling tournament before League Finals, which is the first tournament in what is called the National Qualifying Series. If you get 1st or 2nd in League Finals, you go to CIF, if you place in CIF, you go to Masters, if you place in Masters, you go to the State Meet, then Nationals.Anyways, the tournament yesterday was small and inconsequential in the scope of things;however, I really wanted to do well. In the past season I have placed 7th at every individual tournament and the only tournament where I was going to place higher than 7th was ended early because it was poorly run.

So I had placing in mind. 1st through 3rd place. The beginning of the tournament went alright. I had a bye (that means you don't have a match but you move up in the bracket) then I won my first match, which landed me in the semi-finals. I lost my semi-finals match but I wasn't too upset because the guy was really good. I won my next match in the consolation bracket which got me into the match to wrestle for 3rd place.

Throughout the tournament, I had my eyes on a wrestler from La Sierra. He had been my only loss in the last tournament we had gone to, and it had been a really close match that I should have won, so I wanted my revenge. As fate would have it, I would be wrestling him for 3rd place. I was stoked because I really wanted to beat him and I knew that I could have. So when the time for the match came, I was pumped up.

We put up our singlets and put on our headgear and step into the circle. The ref tells us to shake hands, he blows the whistle, and the match starts. We circle for a bit, pushing it at points, testing the waters. Then we collide and fight for the tie. He puts his hand around my neck and I grab his wrist with one hand and his bicep with the other. I now have control of his arm. I turn him to the side. I'm confident now. I push his arm into him and go for his legs. I don't shoot in hard enough. He catches me in puts me in a headlock. My arm is stuck and is pushing against my neck. I should know how to fight it but I panic. I put my hands on the mat and tried to muscle out of it - big mistake. I then noticed that I was choking and loosing air. I was close to passing out, but I didn't actually think I would. I was fighting it, loosing awareness, then...

All of the sudden I came to. I jumped back up into my wrestling stance. Ready to run back to the center and continue wrestling. Then my coach yelled at me to sit down. I sat down and he came over and he asked, "Do you know where you are?" and I said, "Centenial." "Do you know what this match was for?" "3rd place". I realized that these were the questions that coaches ask when someone passes out. Then I realized that I must have passed out. I think I told my coach that I was okay, but maybe I was just thinking that. My coach helped me up and I went back to the center. The ref asked if I was okay and I said that I was. He then raised my opponents hand - he had won. I was shocked. I thought we were going to continue wrestling. But apparently, I had gotten pinned. I got my clothes on and stormed out of the gym hiding my face.

So much for "fate" to get choked out 30 seconds into my revenge match. That's not what you would have seen in some sports movie. If I was on the Mighty Ducks or the Titans then I would have defeated my opponent at the end who had beaten me earlier and it would have been a glorious happy ending. But this is real life. And this is how things turn out sometimes. It's curious - how fate works - if there is such a thing as fate.

I was upset, but also confused. I'm not really sure what I was confused about, I was just confused. I bought a smoothie from the snack shack and I sat outside on a table looking at the mountains that surrounded the high school that we were at, talking to one of my closest friends, and fellow wrestler, about wrestling, life, and the connection of the two. After the awards ceremony, I received a medal for 4th place, we left. I was eager to be rid of the place.

I was looking forward to having a good time with my friends later that night. But it didn't really work out. More on that later.

VS.

Life is driven by conflict - both external and internal. In this important stage of my life, I find that I am mired with internal conflict; however, it may just be that I am more aware of it now. There are several different wars waging in my head right now. Fortunately, none of them are horribly wretched, they just give me something to think about.

• Doing what is right vs. what is easy

• Keeping the balance vs. upsetting the balance to do "the right thing"

• Living in the present vs. trying to preserve the past

• Listening to my heart vs. listening to other people

I realize that those are extremely vague, but that is the best way I could categorize it so that it made sense. Perhaps people with similar troubles will understand. I was thinking about a few others over the past couple of days, but I can't remember any of them now.

Many of my conflicts depend on knowing what the right thing to do is. That's why the second bullet point has parenthesis around the (right thing). The point is, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I thought I did, but then when I told others, they didn't feel the same way. Basically, I wanted to tell someone something, because I felt obligated, but I don't talk to them anymore. Most of my friends said that it would be a bad idea to start up a conversation with a person I haven't talk to in three weeks just to give them some bad news. I bet it's pretty easy to guess what it is.

In the end it all comes down to one decision, one question: do I want to have this person in my life anymore? I don't know. There was a time when I couldn't imagine myself asking this question. But things change. Is it possible to avoid change? To avoid losing someone? Is it possible for someone to go from being one of the most important people in your life to being someone you don't talk to? Is any of this up to us?

Stalling is always a good method to cope with the problems you can't really deal with. I have other things to worry about right now. I have decided to deal with this later, though later may be too late. I guess in that sense I have made my decision. The present comes before the past.

Hello, World

Hello Everybody. I am officially starting up this blog. Starting up a blog is akin to bringing a baby into the world and raising it, a bit. When it first comes into the world, it has all of its mechanical, technical, or bodily, functions, but it is severely lacking thoughts, ideas, and possibly feelings; then, you pour all of your own thoughts, ideas, and feelings into it and then it truly becomes your creation and it starts to represent a part of you. Similar.

I don't necessarily have a theme for this blog. Well not yet at least. A theme may come up later, either in a certain time frame or in specific blog posts, but mostly I am planning to play it by ear. I'll just write about what I feel like writing about. I seriously doubt it even matters because it's not like many people will read this.

I mean, blogs aren't really meant to serve the people reading them, but rather the people who write them. I read somewhere that most blogs are "serve-serving malarkey" and I don't doubt that. The internet is filled with a mass of useless information. Just thought I would add some of my own input. If anyone is reading this, enjoy.