Spring Cleaning

I have my basketball shorts and a comfortable shirt on, my beanie, and my faithful yet temperamental (concerning genre) ipod plugged in my ear. Time for that very delayed post.

I'm going through a crazy stage. A spring cleaning stage. Though it is not just spring cleaning in the usual sense. It's also a spring cleaning of the mind.

Momentary paause for some painkillers. I've been taking a lot lately. Hm. I just get headaches.

It all started (the spring cleaning, not the painkillers or the headaches) when I one day decided to look through the box of letters from my ex-girlfriend. I read, or at least glanced, through all of them. I say glanced because I couldn't bring myself to fully read through all of them. It was just really awkward. For myself. Because it was like looking at something from a different life. It would be like going back in a time machine and meeting myself. Just straight up weird. One friend suggested that I keep them so that I can read them later and it would be interesting, but I'm quite sure that if I read them later I will be filled with the same feeling of awkwardness. In the end I decided I couldn't keep them. And from that point on I decided I will clean out my room and get rid of all the stuff I either didn't need or didn't want and that began my cleaning tyrade.

One of the biggest jobs was my closet. It took a while to clean out, but some of the stuff I discovered brought back a lot of memories. Surprisingly, there were quite a few stuffed animals with stories attached. There was a...

• pink monkey: fairly unattractive and abrasive looking. a gift from my ex-girlfriend that she got at Knotts. I guess it was nice momento to prove that she was thinking about me. but I'm not really sure what I was supposed to do with it. Though I supposed that could be said about many gifts.

• frog: I don't remember where I got it. I feel like I got it from some sort of claw machine at a breakfast at a place like Norms with some friends. I feel like I had a good time.
  

• hedgehog: I won it as a prize in those games at amusement parks. Do people really want those prizes? They aren't really that great and you have to carry them around the whole time. I didn't even have a girl to give it to. But then again what girl would want a hedgehog as a gift? "Hey I like you, impale yourself on these spikes."

• a purple unicorn: a gift I bought for a girl that I never gave to her. This was a girl who I was pretty good friends with, on and off, but only because we went to different schools so exposure was limited. I don't talk to her anymore but I did before. I used to want to get with her pretty badly. I thought she was extremely attractive. Not just looks but attitude as well. This one day I was talking with her and she told me she would love me if I caught her a unicorn. So I went looking and I found this very nice looking stuffed unicorn at Toys-R-Us. Does this make me a tool or a hopeless romantic? I would prefer to think the latter. But anyways. I never really got to see her after I bought it for her. So it has been in my closet for over a year. But then I gave it away to Goodwill. $20 down the drain. Oh well. I used to want to hook up with this girl before high school ended. Which makes me either a pig or a basically any negative association girls can come up with for guys. But I don't know if its really like that. I don't want to anymore. She has been with many guys and quite possibly girls (haha jk. sorta. I know she has kissed girls before though. lol) . It was a nice little fantasy once. I'm way over it though. I have everything I need now. Plus I'm just not down.

• Jimini Cricket: When I was in 8th grade, I thought that I was smart, I thought I was cool, and I thought I was in love; I was an idiot. The person that I was enamored with was my lovely best friend (of the time). But she had some qualities that I didn't like and also I was shy and scared to tell her how I felt and passive aggressive and all of these led to fights. Eventually, I heard that she liked someone, and it wasn't me, and I was crushed. This led to a bigger fight and then we had a falling out. Months after this falling out, I was out buying christmas presents and I found this Jimini Cricket doll. I thought it would be suiting to get this girl a conscience for christmas (because I was soo witty you know?). But then after I bought it, I never gave it to her. I was partially scared, but partially I thought it would just be messed up. I still have it. So ironically it's kind of like my conscience now. I'm such a loser. Sometimes I wish things would have turned out differently with this girl, but then if it had, then my entire life would be different, and all of the good things that happened since then might not have happened. Who knows? Everything happens for a reason I believe. I'm happy and she's happy too. We were "BFF's" so I think that's what we'd want for each other.
  

So the mental aspect of this spring cleaning is all the reminicing I've been doing lately. It's like I've been processing information from the past and letting it float off into space. It's not like I'm letting everything go that has made me me, I'm just organizing my thoughts. I've traveled a long way. And I like the person I'm becoming so far. We'll see what happens.